areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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