When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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