You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
