he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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