We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize