You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
