Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
