She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
