yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
