sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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