You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
