I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
