Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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