youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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