It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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