i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
