so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
