i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
