lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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