Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
