Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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