I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can you repeat that, but with context?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
