Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize