Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
