ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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