The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
