I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
