Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think a kid would responsible me up
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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