I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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