If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
