dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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