i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize