Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
