im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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