Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
