Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the liver wants what the liver wants
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Floor bacon is actually really good
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
