I hate your face
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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