hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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