I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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