I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize