Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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