at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
