She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
