when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just invented taco cereal.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
