4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
