im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
as a side note pls kill me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
