Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
