last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
