ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
