Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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