you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
