I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
