ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
