cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
