He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
