Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
