Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
