I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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