im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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