My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
