I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
