even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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