apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
