went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
