I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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