u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
