i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
