I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize