You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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