I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
