I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
