Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
there was a trapeze. enough said
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
