Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
