i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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