weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize