I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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