I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
