It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
