If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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