No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
