Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
