Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
