when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
