So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
