SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
