drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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