Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
