we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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