I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
