Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
