i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
