why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
