I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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