There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
