Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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