I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
