She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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