I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
